My life has had its ups and down with how events have played within my life and my temperament meant I have just run with my emotions and not resolved any concerns or looked into why I was the way I am. I moving from one crisis to another and not dealing with the underlying issue but just the symptoms.
It all come to ahead when I joined my last role in January 2023, the role was a mix of what I knew and something new as I hadn’t done underwriting before and it had been 5 years since I have worked in the mortgage industry. All my previous roles were within a certain environment which for the most part was nice, and we were trusted to do the role that we were employed with and was an open friendly place to work.
My last role at Fleet Mortgages was nothing like what I was used to. The environment was stifling, pushy, micromanaging and the blame game was played. I joined the role on full time contract which included 3-month probation. I was already had some major changes in my life as I had moved out of my parents house for the 1st time, changed cars and now new role.
When I started, I found that I was tired and had spells of light headiness and just didn't seem to retain information as well as I used to. I was making slight mistakes that was obvious and the fact that there was a lack of consistent processes and everyone did things differently didn’t help, at first thought this was done to new job, commute and learning new things however my general feeling didn’t get better so I took a blood test to see if I was pre-menopausal or diabetic and it turned out that I was diabetic.
Below is a link so you can find out more about diabetes if you wish
Prior to covid I was informed that I had hearing issues but due to the tones it was decided that hearing aids wouldn't help so we were going to leave it however as time also moved on I found that I was not hearing as well as before so I went back to get tested and they confirmed my hearing was worse and voice times were now affected so hearing aids was decided on.
With both conditions which I was trying to manage and work out ways to cope and control I had no help consideration and instead got more and more pressure piled on, unnecessary nitpicking and fault finding. Diabetes is down as a disability and can affect cognitive ability, but no help was offered.
Soon enough I was placed on PIP and the start of weekly checks. Though Occupational health warned them that diabetes affects cognitive and should be supported they ignored it and piled on the pressure and did nothing to help with my learning.
Having already mentioned how I find the whole process stressful and was finding it hard, nothing was done. Finally, HR suggested talking to OH who after a phone call and me breaking down asked me if I should be at work and I should urgently contact the Drs.
Having done this, I was signed off work for anxiety and only returned to work as couldn’t afford not to.
My time off was 3 weeks of sleeping and sorting out meds and what to do before the medication and things started working and when I got to work, I was more calm and the things that bothered me previously didn’t have as big effect as I was able to manage my emotions. Work wasn’t any better as they did not give me the opportunity to show how things had progressed now that I was more regulated and I was slowly being pushed out.
I took it upon myself to leave and look for a new role. Having left the role and considered my friends word and my feelings of isolation and the fact that I was in control of my anxiety I have started on my mission to make changes in my life and try and be more positive.
Though until I fully broke down I didn't not realise how my last role had finally broke the seesaw that I had been on, the one that was trying to keep a semblance of normalcy, previously I have managed to step back from something when I felt overwhelmed, I distracted myself by doing random things and when I struggle mentally I realise my self-care is the first thing that goes.
This realisation was helped by my talk with a counsellor at talking therapy and hopefully will enable me to be aware if my actions and lead to prevention.
Slowly, with improvements to myself and my thinking, keeping busy , being more present and cooking fresh I am trying to turn my life around.
As a point of reference please follow the link below which shows a glass door review done by an ex staff member at Fleet Mortgages. Though I didn't write it it states exactly (eerily) what I would have written
Fleet Mortgages - Credit Department is not the place to be. | Glassdoor
Please everyone look after your mental health and read the signs which indicates changes need to be made
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